Last summer, I was going to be going to a Manchester United football camp, but then, advertised in a BTCC programme, was the Ginetta Junior Scholarship, a full scholarship to a season in the Ginetta Junior Championship. I jumped at the chance, a chance to be in motorsport without ridiculous amounts of money needed to be spent. We cancelled the booking on the Man Utd camp, but just before booking into the scholarship I got cold feet, it would still cost £700, and I'd never driven any vehicle, I didn't want to waste that £700, so we didn't book it.
Looking at Sennan's and Charlie's websites today just made me lose it, I'd let go of my one big chance last summer. What if I don't get another chance? What if I'm a natural? If I'd have taken the chance and won, I would have already done my first race and would be preparing for my second.
This determination to be in motorsport is causing my biggest fear at the moment though. I still haven't to this day driven anything other than a dodgem, I've never been karting, trust me I've wanted to, but I've never been allowed. My birthday is 101 days away now (almost into double figures!!), and although it's something that I've been waiting for for my entire life, and I'm getting very impatient, I'm terrified by it. What if I'm not a good driver? What if I can;t get my head around it? Then I'd have to give up my dream, I couldn't possibly pursue a career in driving if I can't naturally drive, no matter the number of lessons it needs to be natural. This will just keep building up the closer that I get to my birthday too.
Sorry, I just needed to get this off my chest, and this seemed to be a good place to do it.
